Back to the Basics.

Today is tough.

Before going to East Texas this past weekend, my vibration felt elevated and I noted more coincidences of my world’s synchronicity. But, as I drove along those county roads, strong memories flooded my mind. I fought back tears as my attention catapulted into the past. I longed to hug my dad… and tried to escape the guilt for not wanting to stay in the presence of family who may bring reminders or conversations that I couldn’t engage in without choking up.

During a heightened anxiety moment where I felt on the brink of panic, a calming sensation encompassed me. It was almost as if I could smell my dad’s scent as this warming presence surrounded me. Since his death, I’ve struggled with abandonment and wondered why he had to leave me so soon. But, something clicked that evening. You never really left, did you? Silent tears of gratitude streamed down my cheeks in two solid lines. I smiled and exhaled deeply, you little shit.

I remember what a friend explained to me shortly after his death and aim to recall it now, on his birthday.

“Energy is neither created or destroyed, it’s simply transferred to a different form. Think of when you are in the world of your mother’s womb. It’s life as you know it until you are transferred to this life we now know. So, upon death, you’re simply transferred to another realm.”

I still fight moments of separation or disconnect because my dad is in a different energetic state than the physical form I loved. But, all I have to do is remind myself that just because he’s in a different form than as I choose to remember him doesn’t mean he isn’t present.

Today may be tough, but it is improving.