“Ambition, I have come to believe, is the most primal and sacred fundament of our being."

“Ambition, I have come to believe, is the most primal and sacred fundament of our being. To feel ambition and act upon it is to embrace the unique calling of our souls. Not to act upon that ambition is to turn our backs on ourselves and on the reason for our existence.” – Steven Pressfield

Let’s rewind to 1996. We find ourselves in the laundry room of a rural farmhouse where an eight year old tomboy, striving to be self sufficient, chooses to do her own laundry. She stands on her tip toes and opens the lid of the washing machine. As she peers in to see the cycle come to a stop, she blows her homemade bangs out of her eyes.

She closes the lid, whirring the machine to life. She opens it again, but just as the grass stained shorts are coming to a halt, she places her pinky in the little hole of the washer to trick it into thinking it was closed. After she tires of watching it whirl around and around, she runs outside to hunt for dinosaur bones in the pastures of East Texas.

*******

One could argue I was hard up for entertainment. Our three TV channels did only work if the bunny antennas were pointed in just the right direction. But, I smile when I think of that memory. I like to believe it points to an innate curiosity and a yearning for answers. To see the inner workings of things typically not accessible. My focus has shifted from machines to people, but one could also argue that we’re beginning to act more like machines. Even myself.

It’s easy to get caught in life’s swirl of distractions…  the to do lists, the need to feel busy, the “obligations,” the unfulfilling jobs we’re great at. And as time passes, the days seem to put a stronger emphasis on the disconnect of being where you are now and where you want to be. (Don’t get me wrong, I actively participate in a lot of FUN distractions.) But, as I inch closer to 30, I find myself pausing to reflect on what actions of mine are working and which ones aren’t.

Why do I resist when I know I am capable?

My desire is to connect with people through storytelling. I’ve told stories my entire life – plays, curfew excuses, short films, poems. Yet, when it comes to finishing my spec script or novel, I experience and often yield to the Resistance. Lack of discipline. Not writing. Feeling guilty for not writing. Instagram’ing instead of writing. Working out, reading, drinking… instead of writing.

How can I reconnect with my ambition?

With SXSW in town, I went to see a few film screenings. Following the Q&A session, I walked out of the theatre inspired. The conversations gave glimpses into their creative process, the inner workings of their project, and the struggles they overcame. It reminded me that my dream IS possible.

So, what the hell do I need to adjust to better align with my desires? 

I don’t want my search for inspiration to inhibit action. So, I’m reading  “Turning Pro” by Steven Pressfield. Stay tuned for techniques and insight from the book next week. And if you have any writing methods, discipline tips, or good stories…. please share.

Because, I’m done with my excuses and I am turning pro.